Encino McMansions from hell

DISCLAIMER: I don’t live in Encino; I merely work there, on Ventura Blvd.

I’m sure you’ve seen it in your neighborhood, if you live in an affluent area full of self absorbed phonies. It’s the phenomena known as the McMansion.

It’s what happens when a formerly upper middle class neighborhood is invaded by a new class of nouveu- riche people who are utterly bereft of taste, modesty, or style. What they do is they buy a home for the land, tear down the charming homes and level the entire lot, removing every last tree, lawn and bush and replace them with three story stucco and wrought iron fortresses of folly. These titanic monuments to bad taste take up the ENTIRE lot, marching all the way down to the sidewalk. They invariably feature garages the size of aircraft hangars. No doubt to better house their fleets of shiny black SUV’s. There are no trees at all. But that’s ok because there are no lawns or yards or birds or porches or anything else resembling gentle, modest tasteful homes left to shade. Encino lies on the flip side of the
Santa Monica Mountains to Beverly Hills, so it’s always been affluent, with its share of celebrity critters, but this Phenomenon is spreading like a cancer.

See this lovely house here?

It’s Right acroos the street from the monstrosity pictured at the top of this post. These ugly leviathans are being plunked right down in the middle of formerly graceful neighborhoods.

Look at this one (below)

Are those chimineys? Or gun turrets? And what’s with the tower? Is that the chamber where they’re gonna keep their virgin daughter locked up? nice.

Here we have several examples of the abortion I call “home deprovement.” Someone sells the clueless owner who can’t afford a total demolishment into fancyifying their home by selling them oversize, ugly mansion doors and forcing them into a small frame home, replete with ugly stucco columns and porticos. 

Really, the mind boggles.

It’s like a Joan Rivers facelift.

This one (below) is my favorite. Love the placement of the front door. fabulous.

Ill update this as I take more pics. stay tuned.

6 responses to “Encino McMansions from hell

  1. They are ugly. My grandparents live in El Segundo, so I’ve seen it evolve all my life. The cute WWII bungalows have been turned into monster homes that eat up 90% of the lot. But at least they have more taste than these.

  2. Wow. Same thing happens here, except that the teardowns are on Lake Michigan and are usually 1920s to 1940s Cape Cods or mid-century modern / International style houses. The replacements invariably resemble bunkers similar to those the Germans littered on the coasts of France.

    In the sprawling new developing subs, stucco isn’t feasible here because of the fluctuation of heat and cold. So everything’s VINYL. Taupe vinyl. Putty vinyl. Beige vinyl. With itty-bitty windows, gawd-awful steel entry doors with cheap etched-glass inserts, and HUGE-ASS garage doors gracing the front elevations.

    Like you said, Richey, these homes are built by people with more training in marketing than in architecture and art — if they have any training or appreciation for the latter, at all. And the homes’ buyers are more likely to envision a home based on what they’ve seen on crap TV shows and rap videos than they are on places they’ve actually visited.

    Just another symptom of the coarse degradation of our culture, I guess.

  3. MichaelGLuckyBehr

    I was always wondering if I was the only one LOATHING these UGLY ass buildings… what is it with certain cultures that they have to build in a particular, personal style – instead of building something that fits into the local landscape?
    The damage is not only in Encino – where it seems to have mushroomed out of control – but also in our area (Valley Glen, adjacent to Sherman Oaks and Van Nuys..)
    Of course, city planners and neighborhood associations really should put a stop to it – but I guess there’s other priorities out there…

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  5. I hate these with a passion! The owners of these things might as well walk around with signs that say I am a moron with no taste… but then, I’m sure their clothing and acessories (I’m picturing those gawdy Home Shopping Network rings on fingers, bejeweled sweaters, designer handbags and sunglasses) probably give them away – even when no where near these towers of tasteless-ness.

  6. I live in Old Tappan, New Jersey. It was around the year 2000 that this sick Disease came to town… Whole forests were wiped out to make room for these McMansions from Hell… My 60 year old house is now surrounded by these monsters–and the pretentious new dicks who own them think I’m the disease because I don’t have their penis extensions or substitutes… They Really hate the fact that I have natural ground coverings rather than a lawn which is manicured by landscaping services at least once a week… They think I’m this poor, lazy SOB or something because I don’t Yield to their Greatness and drive economical, small ordinary cars…

    They in fact use the borders of my property as dumping grounds for their trash–and they get away with it apparently because they Own the local police, or at least the local police takes their side all the time… Probably because they’re paying all the taxes here and the more intimidated I get the more of a win for them in encouraging me to lose my ground, sell, and move out like my former (decent) neighbors did…

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