Yesterday I went to the desert.

I was feeling desolate and needed to get out of the apartment and out of the LA area. I was in need of an escape from my depression, what with having not much of a life or friends and such. I hadn’t spoken  to any human beings for over 24 hours and was stir crazy, so after the gym yesterday morning I got on the 14 freeway, headed towards Tehachapi or Bishop or somewhere. I didnt fasten my seatbelt. I never do. It might negate the positive effect of a serious collision(TMI).

 I found myself in Mojave, which is in the middle of the Mojave desert, naturally.

My demons rode shotgun.

Total silence. Desolation.

Nothing but the moaning desert sandstorms, singing to the joshua trees and tumbleweeds.

 Brown, tall Tehachapies, Shimmering  in the distance.

The occasional forlorn auto or 18wheeler, hurrying through the void, headed for Bishop, Lone pine, or points northeast.

I’d heard a comment made on Friday night at the Eagle. The commenter said that Sam is or was my de-facto significant other because we did so much together. What I didn’t say in response was that it was true, but only because Sam was the only one who ever consistently included me or asked me along. He’s the only one who’d ever come over when I’d make the invitation to see a movie at my place. I’ve stopped asking Dave because I already know the answer. I’m not an easy person to get to know. I hold people at arms length. I always have. No one ever much bothers to press. There’s alway someone much more attractive and interesting anyway. In the banquet of life that is the gay scene, I’ve always seen myself as the bowl of canned green beans at the table. 

Anyway, Sam’s gone now. Moved to Portland. He was here for a while, working on a movie. Gone now. Back to the lifelong usual solitude.

ed.- Oh fer chrissakes quit your whining! who gives a fuck?

I guess this is more TMI, but I write sometimes just to write.

 Blogs can be a curious thing.



2 responses to “Desert

  1. people try to be your friends. have you made the effort back?

  2. Been here, felt this, know the drill. Next time you feel this way, will you frigging call me just to know there is some one who gives a crap?

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