Gym wierdness

NORTH HOLLYWOOD GOLD’S GYM  Thursday, August 24th 6:10pm

So yesterday I’m in the locker room getting into my gym clothes and this …. person …   shambles in from the gym floor. He looks like a cross between a young Dick Cheney and “Radar” from “M*A*S*H” except with long, greasy, stringy hair and ginormous man-boobs. He beelines it for the bathroom stalls, lurches in, and I hear:

 “MMMMBBBRROOAAGGH”

 as he vomits into the toilet. Again I hear “WWWWROAH HACK HACK” as he vomits again and again. There was no one else in the area. Do I see if he  needs help? Do I try to pretend I don’t hear it if he seems embarassed? What to do.

Calmly, and without flushing or washing, he waltzes back out of the locker room without a word or a look.

 Didn’t even wash his mouth.

Later, I was doing curls and I noticed him nearby, still there and still using the equipment. I wanted to throw up a little bit myself just then.

BALLY’S GYM TARZANA, CA Friday, August 25th 8:27am

Did I ever mention that I’m Bi-gymnal? Well I am. I do cardio in the morning just before work at Bally’s in Tarzana. Tarzana is adjacent to Encino, where I work, whereas Gold’s is too far to the east for me to hit it in the morning. It’s in the wrong direction. I was originally going to make Bally’s my only gym, but it’s so awful and straight and generally unpleasant (it’s underground, for god’s sake) that I kept my Gold’s membership and use it most. Besides, their weights suck.

Anyway, I go to shower this morning, and there’s a young guy in one of the stalls showering FULLY CLOTHED. And I want to stress the FULLY part. He was wearing a long sleeve t-shirt under an oxford button down shirt, and cream colored denim shorts, with a leather belt. No shoes or flip flops. 

He was fully lathered with soap, and was scrubbing his armpits with the bar of soap when I came in. Fully dressed, and fully soaped up. I still find that hard to grasp. Am I weird? Is it me?

I should point out that Tarzana is a very VERY upper crust area. It would be a strange place for a homeless person to dwell. A homeless person would not feel at all at home in either Tarzana or Encino. The closest thing we have to a homeless person in Encino is Nick Nolte. He played a homeless man in a movie once.

Several of my fellow bathers were noticing him as well. At one point my eyes met with the chap showering next to me and we both exchanged puzzled glances and smiled silently as we watched him perform his odd ablutions. As I was dressing, he was still in there, and as I was walking out I saw him entering the steam room. Still fully clothed. So I can’t tell you if he had a fresh set of clothes, or if he left soaked, or even if he left at all. Maybe he’s still in there.

2 responses to “Gym wierdness

  1. I’m not sure how you find these people. And just when I was going to share my story about the old lady in the grocery store line that starts conversations with everyone. You’re story definitely trumps any wierdness I have encountered.

  2. Description is right: WEIRD!

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