Arright, I’m starting the new year off with a rant.
So according to the sponsor of the reviled “TODAY” show, there’s apparently a new desperate disease that’s in dire need of treatment called restless leg syndrome, and It’s sweeping America, gripping us all it it’s vice-like fangs of terror. According to the commercial, prosperous looking WASPY yup-bots are waking up in the middle of their boring suburban drippy dreams with their legs all tingly and twitchy and the need to move them about and such. It’s keeping their lunestra drugs from giving them a restful nights sleep! I know, I know! How awful!
So, of course the modern all-American answer to the problem is big pharma. What else?
Some drug called progestertron or something is suppose to supress these dire symptoms so that dumbot’s dreams of wal-mart sales can go on uniterrupted. Of course, the SIDE EFFECTS of this hell frankenstein drug are considerable. According to the shill in the commercial, side effects may cause you to sleepwalk to a local indian casino and gamble in your sleep whilst exploding in your pants with shotgun diarreah. Groovy.
So here’s my suggestion to all the fat asses out there popping drugs for every itch and malady:
GET OFF YOUR FAT ASSES AND TRY SOME EXERCISE!!!
I mean, why not?
Just step back from your TIVO’D “24” and get the hell out of the house for a brisk walk before bed time? Do Doctors ever prescribe that anymore? Or is that just too low-profit for the big, gobbling corporations who increasingly control every aspect of life these days?
Heeby Jesus, I’m fat, but at least I’m trying to better myself. I don’t seek a chemical answer for every ache and pain. Good lord! Put down the cupcake and get thee to a gymnasium. jeesh!
O.K. I’m done.
Happy New Year, spam-bots!