“Requiem for Il Douchebag”

                                             “REQUIEM FOR IL DOUCHEBAG”

                                                    a play in one scene by ….Me

The scene: A fancy restaurant somewhere in D.C.

THE CURTAIN RISES on a LONE MAN sitting hunched over in a chair at a table in the restaurant. He is nervously chittering his nails away as he waits for THE WAITER to approach his table. The rising house lights reveal the man to be RUDY GIULIANI



      Good evening, Sir. Might I reccomend for you tonight our special New  York steak?


       On  9/11, America faced its most deadly peril in history, buddy!


        True enough indeed, Sir! Excellent observation,  might I say, Sir? 

        Now, are you  ready to order,  Sir?

 ( a beat ) 

          Perhaps you’d like the Filet Mignon, Sir?  A most  excellent steak, indeed.


                      On 9/11 the stakes were plenty high! You bet your froggy ass they

                      were, pal!  On 9/11, I responded to WORLD CATACLYSM in a

                      timely manner, I did!   9/11!  9/11!  N I N E  E L E V E N  Mr. French fry!!! 

                                                                 WAITER (FROSTY)

                           Sir, are you well? Would you care to use the Men’s room, Perchance?

                                                                   RUDY (STEAM RISING)

                                    MEN’S ROOM? MEN’S ROOM?  Pal, on 9/11, I went 74   

                                 freaking  hours without using the Goddamned men’s room!

                                  Hell, I didn’t even use the fuckin’ TOILET!


                               I’m telephoning the Police. You’re a lunatic.



                             On 9/11, I was a decisive leader! A ruler of mankind,  a supreme

                             commander of men’s DESTINIES!!! Damn you! DAMN YOU!!

                              DAMN YOU!   9/11!!!9/11!!! 9/11!!!!

(The cops come in and drag his crazy ass off stage. )

                                                                                 the end


One response to ““Requiem for Il Douchebag”

  1. I’m confused about the skit… it would make more sense if you told us what dress Rudi was wearing. I mean its all about the dress.

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