St George and the split level

So my dear HOT friend and fellow blogger Mark pointed out that Today is St. George’s day.  He of the dragon slaying variety. Well that is amazingly appropriate in Miami today to a split level condo dweller who unexpectedly faced down her own dragon.

Sandra Frosti was typing away at her computer in her 2nd floor bedroom late last night ( but it was already St. Georges day in the U.K., so that’s all that counts) when she heard somthing bump and fall downstairs with a thump. Thinking it was just her kitty knocking something over, she thought no more of it. Presently, a much louder crash and thump came from the kitchen.  It sounded like something was banging against her refrigerator.

So she went down into the darkend kitchen to investigate. She turned the light on to reveal an 8 1/2 foot long 300 lb FUCKING ALLIGATOR in her kitchen. Hunting for kitty. Fortunately, kitty had already long decamped the area for the safety of the wardrobe upstairs. She called 911 and a bitchy operator didn’t believe she was telling the truth about it being an alligator. Maybe it was just a large Iguana, she suggested. Finally, Sandra convinced the dumb bitch that it was a genuine, huge, hissing ‘gator and to send help toot fucking suite!

 

So the ‘gator wranglers came and took him away and unfortunately had to kill him. Evidently, once a ‘gator exhibits the balls to enter a home like that, he must be killed because he’ll just do it again to someone else. They should have just airlifted him over to Ann Coulter’s place and dropped him in her pool. No self respecting ‘gator would ever wish to chew on that bony skank’s ass. And if he did…well…everybody wins!

How can people stand to live in a place like that which crawls with huge man eating lizards everywhere? Can you imagine? In every standing pool or large body of water, they are present. Excuse me, but FUCK no. I’ll live with the local menace of drunken celebutards carrening their SUV’s at me instead.

5 responses to “St George and the split level

  1. I’ll take a man eating bear over a man eating lizard anyday. I guess thats the difference between living in L.A. and Living In Palm Springs

  2. OMG! OMG!OMG!! WHAT??? I get freaked out if a spider gets in to the house but a fucking Gator! That is the maddest thing I have read this week. I mean imagine finding that! The poor woman must have had a heart attack. I will have to tell ole St George about that one! Buddy, I am just out of bed and its just showing it now on breakfast television here in the UK! WOW!

  3. LOL! I think a far better place to airlift the old meat eater would be Oklahoma city down the chimney of that Sally Kern person. Or even better: The yard of the Westboro Baptist church whilst Fred was out sunning.

  4. In Florida, they have to live with the ‘gators, in other places it’s the coyotes or cougars. Point is that they were here first people so don’t freak out when they come into your yard digging through your white middle class cast garbage.

  5. Never EVER live on the ground floor. She should consider herself lucky she didn’t stumble upon a junkie; I did that once. I’ll take my chances with an alligator any day.

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