This was not a good morning to shower at the gym. Not good at all. There was a sign posted in the men’s locker room which read thusly:
NO HOT WATER IN SHOWERS.SORRY.
WE ARE WORKING ON IT AS WE SPEAK.
Do you know how cold the water was this morning? Fucking cold, that’s what.
Uh.. “We are working on it as we speak” ?? What the fuck does that mean? You’re not speaking, you’re writing. Whatever. I wonder if Magic Johnson had to take a cold shower. I’ll bet heads rolled over that one, I do.
There was a total freak at the gym last nght. I couldn’t stop watching him. Every few feet or so he’d stop whatever he was doing and perform a light little bounce step and shuffle. Even in the middle of a set, he’d stop himself, spring up and bounce and caper about a bit, then resume his set.
So much energy. So few brain cells.
I heard the greatest asshole celebrity story yesterday. The__________ Airlines rep was in the office yesterday, and she was telling about a recent encounter with Miss Ryan Seacrest which occured last week. My _________ Airline rep, ___________ is a feisty little thing, very dry sense of humor and very quick on her feet. It served her well last week when Ms Seacrest approached the _________ Airlines counter at LAX, loudly demanding a first class upgrade on his coach class seat. Did the gentleman have a _________ Airlines frequent flyer number or upgrade status? No, he fumed. He did not.
Well, then did the gentleman wish to PURCHASE (like any other passenger) an upgrade to first class?
The bitch made a huge stink at that point,because he felt he deserved a FREE UPGRADE, just because he was himself a fabulous celebrity. So my very cool friend _______ was called up to deal with him. She’s had experience with overstuffed delusional psuedo celebs and knew just how to handle him.
“Sir, unless you have accumulated frequent flyer miles, or applicable upgrade coupons,you are not eligible for a free upgrade. I’m awfully sorry. At this point, Seacrest actually pointed to himself with both hands and shrieked “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?” She replied, cool as ice, “Yes sir. you are….(glances down at his eticket coupon) Misterrr….Ryan Seacrest. Correct? “Havent you ever heard of “American Idol”? he SPAT. Smiling widely (she reinacted it for us), she said sweetly “I’m not sure, isn’t it a Television show of some kind”? He almost exploded “I’m going to talk to people about this, and you’ll be sorry!” he screamed, and stormed off.
God, I dream of being able to piss an asslebrity off like that. What a megadouch.