tail in the city

So I wrote something really (quite unintentionally) misleading in my last post, and I want to correct it now, and tell what really happened.

Here’s the botched line:

Later, I have more to tell, including how I almost got thrown out of the LoneStar on Saturday night for punching a belligerent Bear’s face in.

OK,  it really should have read thusly:

Later, I have more to tell, including how I almost punched a boorish assholes face in at the Lonestar for being a totally unacceptable rude shithead. I’m sure if I had, I certainly would have been thrown out. Film at 11.

So I can’t write. So sue me. Or call me Sue.

What happened was I was at the Lonely stare, or the Loin Scare, or the Lone Star- whatever you call it. It was about 11pm or so, and I was out in the back patio, you know..where the cigar,cigarette AND PIPE SMOKERS GO. ..And I was just smoking my pipe, minding my business, eavesdropping on other’s business, and basically generally trying to get some touch. In other words, just doing the routine I’ve done a million and ten times before, all over the world, including at the lone star itself, back in the day. So I go to stand over near this wall, and there ae 3 bears standing there. One is about my build, bald with a sandy brown beard. typical generic bear. His BF was a cute cub type. The type that usually falls all over himself to cruise me. So I stand there and the bald one says “Hey, get outta here. That fuckin thing stinks. Go somewhere else.”

OK, I have to admit, I was totally gobsmacked. NEVER in all the 20-odd years that I’ve smoked a pipe, in bear bars (hell-in ALL bars) all over the planet has anyone EVER … E V E R reacted like that to pipe smoke. In fact, I’d estimate that the number of times guys have gone out of their way to tell me variations of “that smells wonderful..it reminds me of my Uncle/Father/Brother/Au Pair/pet iguana….because they smoke a pipe, too”-ad nauseum ad infinitum, is somewhere up in the mid jillions. Really. So yeah, I was totally shocked. Not just that, but how loud and abrupt and…mean he was about it. I stared at him wondering for a millisecond if he was kidding. The scowl on their faces told me instantly that they were indeed not joking and that I was as welcome in their presence as a cocksucker in a convent.

So…I said “ok” and left, with my tail between my legs. I mean, I’m usually pretty quick with a clever response, but #1 I was out of my element, in an unfriendly city with my circle of support 400 miles away, and #2 I was, as I said, stunned.

So I went over to Blow Buddies- the nearby sex club- and found the company to be 100 times friendlier. Hotter too, by far. MY tail wasn’t between my legs there. lots of other guys were…but not mine.


7 responses to “tail in the city

  1. you did the right thing
    i’m sorry to say
    i did punch someone
    i was drunk and thats a bad bad time for someone to start in on a total bitch attack on you
    i hit him
    he fell
    i felt awful
    ive seen him since and he’s fine
    still made me feel bad

  2. Ah I see, pipesmoking isn’t actually a euphemism for what goes on out the back of the Lone Star! 🙂

    You did the right thing. If the guy was like that with you he’s probably the same with most people.

  3. Pipe smoke as compared to cigar smoke? You’re kidding me right?

    Hell, if I had seen you standing there, all yummy and beary, smoking a pipe I would’ve been all over you like white on rice! No need for a sex club handsome!

    Too bad I live in Boston though. 😦

  4. I’m a non smoker myself, but I have to be honest I do have a thing about guys smoking pipes or cigars.

    The smell is completely different from cigarettes (which I find unpleasant), and I find the aroma of pipe and cigar smoke to be something of an aphrodisiac 🙂

    Anyway, look on the bright side, without the rude arseholes at the first place you’d have been less likely to move on and find the warm and friendly reception you finally did!

  5. While I have an aversion to pipe/cigar smoke, I certainly don’t think any preference should be made between that and all the chain smokers lighting up cigarettes constantly.

    Sorry to hear about your trouble. Remind me to tell you about the guy who tried to slip a drug in my drink there sometime.

  6. You writing is perfectly fine. The sincerity of you’re anecdotes have made reading you’re posts very enjoyable. Hope all is well as always.

  7. I, as a cigar smoker, have too had such encounters. Normally I would have told them to say ‘pretty please’ but you wisely choose discretion over valor. But next time, if we’re together and this happens, I say we kick their ass!

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